I truly cannot believe I am this far along in my pregnancy and I am so close to welcoming my second bundle of joy. I am so excited, and I cannot wait. Life is not ideal right now but I’m choosing to remain optimistic because I know troubles do not last always as cliche as that sounds. My life is a hot mess right now and things are truly falling apart. I explained in my last pregnancy update that we were facing homelessness since our lease would be up at the end of the month. Well, we are now homeless and staying in an extended stay. I will get to that part of my life in a second. I want to share information about my pregnancy first.
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and my baby is the size of a pineapple. I went to the doctor on Monday, December 18,2017 and I will now be going to the doctor’s every 2 weeks and then the appointments will become weekly. The doctor’s appointment was quick and easy and baby boy is doing just fine. He’s an active little boy and is constantly moving so getting a heartbeat is always an adventure as he runs away from the fetal Doppler. I currently weigh 174 pounds and I am quite uncomfortable. At this point of pregnancy, what is sleep and comfortability anyway especially since I still have a very active 4-year-old to run behind?
I am procrastinating this time around as I try to sort out my life. I know this baby is coming whether my life is back to normal or a hot mess, so I must start preparing for my little one. I have started to get the things for my hospital bag since he can come any day now. I still need to sort through all the clothes we have for him and start washing those items. My to-do list is a mile long and I can barely keep up. I have started nesting as I prepare for my little one. With Raylan, I watched a lot of birthing videos to prepare myself for labor and delivery. I will not be doing that this time around because it only made me more anxious on my big day. I feel that I am ready in a sense for a labor but I am just not ready for whatever recovery I will have to face.
My pregnancy is going well despite what is going on in my life and I am grateful for that. I’m hungry a lot, the heartburn is a lot worse, I sweat a lot more and my lower back has started to give me some trouble. The only complaint I have is that pregnancy completely depleted my butt and I hope it returns after labor. This pretty much sums up my pregnancy at 33 weeks. My doctor pretty much warned me that my baby can come at any moment and at this point of pregnancy, they will not stop active labor. I’m hoping he comes closer to his due date or mid-January but as we know the baby will come when the baby wants to come.
I should be crying, I should be mad at the world and shouting to the mountaintops how unfair life is right now. But, what would that solve? It would solve absolutely nothing so I’m choosing to remain optimistic about life and know that it will one day get back to normal. We said goodbye to our apartment yesterday and hello to an extended stay. Even as I write this, I can’t believe it. My mom tried so hard to get us a place, so we wouldn’t have to go to an extended stay, but bad credit closed a lot of doors for her.
I am not upset with my mom because shit happens, and she was completely blindsided by the fact her lease wouldn’t renew. I’m upset that I can’t do more and feel like such a failure. But, I know feeling like this doesn’t get us out of this situation. All we can do is keep pushing forward and keep trying to get a place. Hopefully, someone will say yes, and I won’t have to bring a newborn to an extended stay. But if that is my reality, I am not going to trip because this situation could be worse. We could be out on the streets and living in the car, so I don’t want to come off like I’m complaining. I’m happy we were able to put all our belongings in storage and have a place to lay our heads.
I worried so much how my son would adjust and he’s doing just fine. He was able to bring some of his favorite toys and books to the extended stay and he’s taking everything in strides. It’s amazing to see my son take this so well and I’m just glad he’s not moping around or feeling super sad about leaving a place he called home for two years. I am strong because of him and my little one on the way and I know things are going to be just fine in the end.
I don’t know if you are aware of this fact, but I am also a college student. Well, this semester was a hot mess and I will be transferring once again. I have a blog all about my college journey and I’ll post an update later. I decided to take two math classes, College Trig and Elementary Calculus and that was a bad idea that I am now paying for. The class was online, but the final was on campus and the formula sheet did little for me on the final. Because I failed the finals, I ended up getting D’s in both of those classes bringing my GPA down to a 2.5. I’ve worked incredibly hard to raise my GPA since my screw-up of a freshman year so I’m quite disappointed in myself. On a positive note, I earned 2 A’s in my two other classes which was programming and a health info class, so I guess pat on the back for that.
People tell me all the time that I am so strong and wonder how I make it day by day without losing my shit. Truth is, I do lose my shit sometimes, but I know it’s not healthy to stay in a negative place. I write positive messages to myself, read a lot of uplifting quotes, I blog to let it all out and I just keep my mind occupied on other things. I know focusing on the negative things will not help my life progress forward. I just see where I went wrong, and I readjust my goals.
For example, I don’t want just a job next go around, I want an opportunity that will help me provide for my family and offer me life-long career skills that could lead to a career. Another example is that I am transferring colleges, so I can get into a program that is really for online learners and not just a program that offers online classes. There is a difference and this semester taught me that. I’m hoping that by readjusting my goals and staying focused, I can accomplish my goals and this time next year will be different for me.
This is my hot mess life and I can’t do anything but love it, embrace my struggles and believe better days are ahead. I have spent so much time comparing my journey to others and being depressed or disappointed because my life is not progressing like those I compared my life to but now I’m learning the importance of enjoying my journey.
Hope you all enjoyed the blog!