For the first time in weeks, I felt like myself again. I am still a little sore and managing the pain with pain pills , warm packs and ice packs but I am feeling a lot better. I’m glad I took my advice of resting and being patient with the process. I was so hard on myself and that made recovery so much tougher. Week 4 was actually a great week for me. I was less frustrated and overall happier.
If you feel like your recovery journey is taking a long time or that you wish you were back to normal right after birth, be patient with your journey. In time, things get much better and the pain will eventually subside. If you feel things are getting worse, don’t be afraid to call your doctor or see your doctor.
I called my doctor and they reassured me that everything I was going through was apart of the healing process. It didn’t make the pain go away but it made me feel a lot better about my recovery. I don’t know if you ever had to deal with hemorrhoids but I found out that was the source of my pain and the constipation only made this worse. Get stool softeners and drink plenty of water. Do not make the same mistake that I did.
Besides that update, I have an update about my life. If you’ve been keeping up with the blogs, then you know at about 8 months pregnant, my family found ourselves homeless. We went from one extended stay to another but I’m happy to report that we have moved into our own home.
It was a long month and I’m glad it wasn’t any longer. I am truly grateful that someone gave us a chance after talking to so many private owners and wasting money on rental applications. It feels good to be back in our own space again. The extended stay we were in did not have Wi-Fi so it made it hard to blog and do schoolwork. I had to go to Fed-Ex and use their Wi-Fi to complete my homework and it was tough because I had to sit on a hard plastic chair (the pillow did absolutely nothing for these chairs) while I was recovering. But, I made it work and I’m glad to have a place called home. I remember the day that I had Rylan and how I was very sad that I was going to have to take him back to an extended stay. It made me feel very powerless and like the worst mom ever. I quickly got over it because home is what you make it. Rylan of course had no idea and he was a healthy happy baby and he got us through a lot of tough days.
On his due date, Feb 4th we moved into our new home and I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you have to go through the rain to get to the sunshine. If you’re facing a tough time or struggle, just know it will get better. Stay as positive as you can, cry if you want but pick yourself back up and keep it moving.
During this week, I also realized the many judgments mothers face. I just want to say to not let anyone make you feel like a bad mother for the choices that you make for your child. I feel like parenthood is becoming more textbook than instinct. The first few weeks of the postpartum journey can be very tough and emotional. Take care of your mental health and don’t feel selfish for taking care of yourself.
I haven’t mentioned this before but I have chosen to stop breastfeeding. We tried it for two weeks and then the after childbirth pains kicked in and I decided to focus on my recovery. I know the benefits of breastfeeding but I know how tough it can be also. I was manually pumping as I waited for an electric pump that would have been provided by my insurance. That pump never came and manually pumping was not my thing. And an electric pump was the same price as 3 tubs of formula. Rylan was eating a lot and I couldn’t keep up and it was nice to know that I could take a warm soak when needed and someone could feed him a bottle.
My recovery was very time consuming and required a lot from me. In the beginning, I was putting Rylan on the breast and he had a great latch and the milk was there but it was not enough. He would always end up very upset and in tears and I would have to follow up with a bottle anyway. I realized he was just using my breast as a pacifier and not really eating and he was doing fine on the formula so I chose to stop and just exclusively formula feed. I also know that I would be going back to work soon and I wasn’t sure if I would be in a position that would support my breastfeeding. Anyway, I said that to say don’t beat yourself up if you can’t breastfeed or choose not to. You’re not a bad mom. Just make sure your little one is fed and happy. And if you really want to breastfeed, find local resources to help you out.
I have been taking a lot of time lately to just enjoy motherhood. I haven’t been on my phone on social media or even posting on the blog. I feel like social media can give unrealistic views on things and I have been trying hard not to compare my journey with others. I know what’s for me will be for me and that comparison only steals my joy. So, I’ve taken a semi break from social media to enjoy motherhood.
Anyway, I’m just ranting at this point. I just feel a mother shouldn’t feel bad for making the best decisions for their child. We spent nine months creating this child and we should be able to enjoy every waking moment with this child. Those waking moments shouldn’t be filled with stress, frustrations and sadness. Enjoy motherhood, enjoy those little moments with your little one and don’t let other people’s opinions make you feel less than. You are a great mom and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.